I just found myself...recently i was lost. I was stressed about nothing, confused at everything. Always thinking about whats right/wrong, what to do etc. It all started when something more important than me arrived. When that thing came, i was slowly sucked into an expectation of how to live, how to act, what to be. Even though i was aware of it a little, i didn't fully get how deep its roots went till now. Everything pretty much moves normally on quiet days, only i find myself more touchy, cranky and sensitive. When faced with adversity, suddenly i feel lost and confused, not knowing how to act and even worse, what to even feel. This made me think i had an esteem problem or something wrong psychologically somewhere.

After the revelation just awhile ago, i realize it was because i just wasn't me anymore. Now that i 'found' myself again, i still feel scared, am i just imagining this? or is this some form of elaborate escape my mind created to run away from my problems? Regardless, it feels good, so im just going to record this in hopes that if i ever feel like this again, this might serve as a guide to bring me back.

I feel back in control now, confident to face adversity and even more confident to make and admit mistakes.

Its hard to be me, everytime you hear ppls thoughts on you, other compliments, insults etc. u tend to question and look within. thats all fine, till u change things just to make others happy. then the reason why close ppl are with u will disappear once u start being a free for all, fit everyone kind of person. last time in soci, they always told us to becareful of these ppl but wat if u just couldn't help be one? anyway there are bound to be ppl that u cant get along with or just purely love u, so its impt just to be u and let life automatically filter things out for u. if u manage to pull off being someone else, u'll make a new layer of false frens and then tangle urself into fake emotions, and relations that will ultimately fall apart and destroy you.

The signs this is happening are getting more and more interested in what ppl say, dwelling too much into what ppl said and being hyper sensitive to things past the point of reason. Not being able to relax and just be happy, trying to occupy ur time with anything and run away, being stressed at apparently nothing (till the point of heart palpitations!), being confused easily and finding it hard to make decisions clearly and confidently. being desperate for guidance and for ppl to take the lead in things.

This is for me, i guess it will vary greatly btw ppl with diff characters.

I hope this is not a dream and i feel like this when i wake up again :/